October 26th, 2012
no pain management without proper diagnosis
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dr. holmes and i go back a long way. she and i followed similar initial paths in the field of social work/policy before she diverted into veterinary medicine. we often find ourselves talking tips of the trade and exchanging clinical stories during the down time of routine vet visits.
while friendly with dr. holmes i believe she sees me as a hyper-emotional, borderline unstable individual. my love for my dogs runs deep. they are family not pets and when something goes wrong i become visibly upset and concerned. it is not rare for me to leave windhover either frustrated or in tears.
aware of my emotional instability after sullivan’s neurological x-ray, dr. holmes tried to re-tap into her prior life of social work lore, but failed terribly (though i don’t doubt her well intentions).
she began by saying, “it’s very clear to me that sullivan is in a good amount of pain. you, as his owner, need to decide how long you want to have him live that way.” PREGNANT PAUSE. PREGNANT PAUSE. PREGNANT PAUSE. my eyes widening with every awkward, gaping moment of silence. my mind started to reel: what is she saying to me?
she then shared with me a bit about her her own dog, sasha, who apparently lives in pain on a daily basis but it’s managed properly courtesy of a home pharmacy chock ful of meds. according to dr. holmes, despite sasha’s pain she lives for going out for walks. the walks are slow and sasha comes home stiff. she went on that should the day come that sasha does not get excited to go for a walk when the leash comes out, shoes get put on and the front door opens that dr. holmes would need to soul-search and wonder about sasha’s quality of life. per dr. holmes, animals give signs as to when it’s “time”, and it is your job to heed the call.
before i could speak and totally wipe the tears that were pooling from my eyes, dr. holmes presented me with slip of paper with the name of dr. alicia karas, the top specialist in pain management from tufts veterinary hospital in walpole, ma.
i found a way to mop up the remains of my heart and soul from the windhover waiting room floor and left with my sedated dog, phone number in hand for a pain management doctor who was to “keep my sullivan” comfortable until it was “his time”.
despite a next day phone call of apology (the word apology gives her too much credit – it was more like an acknowledgement of misunderstanding), my mom and i decided that under no circumstance could we make an appointment with dr. karas, when we did not know what the underlying cause of sullivan’s problem was.
looking back i wish dr. holmes had been willing to suppress her ego, not grasp for straws to create a diagnosis, and send us to a specialist who might be able to better understand sullivan’s condition. despite being well intentioned, dr. holmes’s poor judgment could have led us down a very different path; one that would have been very tragic for sully.
looking back i wish dr. holmes had been willing to suppress her ego, not grasp for straws to create a diagnosis, and send us to a specialist who might be able to better understand sullivan’s condition. despite being well intentioned, dr. holmes’s poor judgment could have led us down a very different path; one that would have been very tragic for sully.
we were going to get a diagnosis and find out what’s wrong.
